Gothician Lover Girl

*Later that afternoon*

Val asked me to go with her to Matt's place. His parents were out tonight for such an anniversary so he wanted Val to be there.

"Other dudes come?" I asked while my copy was driving.

"Mhmm. They won't ever miss a thing. But they might come at 6 or 7." she grinned and turned to me, finding me in my serious face but still hardly tried to smile back. "You really wanna do that tonight?" she always could read my mind. And this time, about breaking up with Brian. I sighed heavily to take off all the hesitation.

"Yeah, of course." I nodded and spaced out on the road. Val let me had my own time to think about what I was gonna do over and over again. And finally, the car stopped in front of Matt's house. I noticed that someone called Val as she flipped her cell phone open and started the conversation.

"Hey, Matt. I'm in front of your house. Wait a minute." she said then paused to let Matt replied her words. "Okay, baby. I love you." then she paused again and I guessed just to let Matt said 'I love you too' or something like that. She finally ended the conversation then turned to me, realizing that I watched her over as long as Matt called.

I couldn't truly describe the feeling inside of me. Jealous maybe. I hated everything that Val could get but I couldn't, LOVE. But I put no blame to her cause she was the most wonderful family and friend I'd ever got.

We climbed out from the car and headed to Matt's house. The door was unlocked. We set ourselves in and found Matt on the couch in front of the TV, staring at the MTV's Headbangers while Slipknot acted on stage. He didn't turned to see us walked in.

"Hi, Love!" Val greeted him. She leant forward to pecked him on the lips while he rested his head backward. They were really a dream couple. Val sat beside him as Matt circled his muscled arm around her shoulder. I set my ass in the other side and Matt quickly put his other arm around my shoulder.

"Wow, it's great to hold two great girls in my arms." he stated. I smiled slightly. Val did the same then rested his head on his chest. I stood up unexpectedly as my mind traced a short flash thinking in my brain. I got an idea to calm myself down before talking to Brian.

"Matt, may I use your room?" I looked down to Matt.

"Yeah, sure." he nodded. I made my way to the stairs and stopped in my second step.

"Tell Brian I wait up for him upstairs." I found them turned to me and nodded in unison.

I brought myself into Matt's room and laid on his soft bed staring at the wall clock that showed 5 pm. Val told me the other guys would come at 6 or 7 so I still had time to think about things. I thought about random stuffs but Brian's figure popped so often in my head. I tried so hard to remove him just to get my calm but always failed. I gave up and let him drifted me to a dreamless sleep.

My eyes were unexpectedly opened. I stared at the clock and realized that I had been sleeping for about one and half hours.I sighed and rubbed my temple, flipping my eyes close and taking a deep breath. Then I heard the door opened and someone came in. I didn't need to open my eyes and turned to figure the person that just entered the room.

"Hello, babe!" Brian's voice came closer as he leant and pressed his lips on my cheek. "Are you okay?"

I nodded then opened my eyes. He turn on the small light on the side table to give brighter sight for both of us. I stared at his deep brown chocolate eyes and sighed heavily. I sat up on the bed and signed him to sit beside me.

"Whatsup, Michy?" he asked after sitting beside me. He grabbed my hand kissed my neck. I shivered but tried so hardly to ignore it.

"Brian, I need to talk to you something." I turned to face him just to make him stop kissing my neck so I wouldn't be distracted from the topic. Dammit, staring at his gorgeous face made me more speechless. His beautiful chocolate brown eyes peirced in my hazel green ones.

"What is it, babe?" he put some hairs behind my ear softly. Once again, I couldn't help but shiver. I closed my eyes to make myself comforter then took a deep breath. As I opened my eyes, Brian stared at me curiously, furrowing his eyebrows.

"Okay," I interupted by taking another deep breath. "Brian, I love you -"

"I love you, too." he cut me off and pressed my lips gently on his. I melted and kissed him back, put my hand on his cheek. I closed my eyes to fight all this passion and finally gained my power back. I pulled away fastly cause he still wanted the kiss went on and it made him shocked. He gave me a questioning look.

"Honey, Brian, I think we need to break up for a while." I said fastly before he could gave any action that would interupt me again. He widened his eyes and dropped his jaw.

"Break up?" his voice sounded in disbelief. "What's wrong with us?"

"Us?" I chuckled and shook my head. "Not us, babe. You."

"Me?"

"Listen to me, my Syn. I need a person who can fully love me and -"

"I love you, Michelle. Don't you believe it?" he cut me off again.

"I do believe in you." I put my hand on his cheek to soothe him. "But that's not all what I mean."

"So?"

"Well," I sighed in frustration. "I know that you love me and I love you, too. But I need more than that. I see everything you guys do in party, those bithces. And deep inside my heart can't accept that. I feel betrayed. So, I think it's gonna work if we break up." I carefully said. His eyes looked for the meaning of every words.

"I'm sorry, Michelle." his voice came to regret. He dropped his eyes down to his lap.

"Hey," I lifted his face to face me by his cheek. I saw his eyes filled by tears but they didn't seem to fall. I caressed his cheek and smiled slightly. "It's okay. I can understand that you still want more for your youth. Don't worry!"

"But I don't wanna break up with you." he said almost cried. I softly gave him a short kiss on the lips softly.

"It's not that bad. We'll still be friends. And if we are really destined to be together, we can try it again later." I still could see the mourn in his eyes. "You got it?"

He nodded slightly then smiled at me. He hugged me by his muscular arms.

"I promise you I'll change." he said as he ran his hand up and down on my back.

"Keep it to yourself!" I stated after we pulled away.

"Okay. But I want you to know that I still love you." he grabbed my hands and kissed them. My smile appeared as I heard him said it meaningfully.

"I know you do." I said.

 

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Sorry if it's been so long . and sorry if it sucks. 

So, this one shot is based on my dream . It's real that I fell in love with my own cousin but I'm grateful that what I wrote down here is just taken from a dream . I won't hope it would come true of course . hope you enjoy it !

 

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"I know how your feeling to me is." Mikey stated in a flat tone. He sat on the one edge of the couch while I sat on the other edge. He gazed away into the empty space even though he meant to talk to me.

I was paralyzed. My lungs couldn't work as well so I couldn't breathe enough to supply the oxygen to my brain. It seemed darkened but I gained back my control after seconds. My breath was still so heavy as he glared at me and turned away quickly, didn't care how pathetic I was in minimum oxygen supply. I could tell that my face went pale.

"I know everything. Went on by a simple crush from a little girl 'til it has grown up to be a painful crush now in your teenage." His voice sounded so evil, with little smirk I could tell. My feeling was hit so hard that time. 'How could he do this to me?' But it still didn't remove my crush to him. My crush that had been painted in my heart since I was 3 and he was 10. And now I'd been 17. And the best thing from my love was that, Mikey was the son of my Dad's elder sister. He was my own cousin.

"Say something, Nat!" He ordered but still not looked at me. I tried to manage my breath then opened my mouth to do what he asked me. But my words choked in my throat by tears I couldn't bear. It killed every system in whole entire of my body.

"I... I..." I was even more like a fish out from the water which gasped for the air. I was an idiot one. Then I felt his eyes glared at me again as I tried to soothe myself by looking to my lap and then closed my eyes hardly. I shook my head as tears slowly rolled down my cheeks. I sobbed in silent.

He unexpectedly moved closer to me. I could tell that he scrutinized my sob for seconds then lifted my face by my chin. I couldn't believe he touched me after all he said to me. He even never had been so caring like that. His dark brown eyes pierced into my light brown ones. They made me shocked by showing their softness. I expected them to be harsh or something but they were really really sincere and soft.

He leant forward, brought his face closer to mine then crashed our lips together. His hands were rested on my arms. I closed my eyes even when his lips hadn't touched mine yet. He just pressed our lips together for moment then went on to be more wet by licking my lips. It sent sensation through my spine and soon enough I melted into his kiss. I opened my mouth to make an allowance for his tongue to explore my mouth. I tangled my fingers on his hair as the kiss went to more passionate. We let out little moan from our throat.

There was a feeling in my mind that wanted the time to stop that time. The time when I tasted his lips, the time when our skins touched, the time when I felt his warmth, and the time when I could smell his good scent clearly.

But as soon as the kiss started, he ended it by pulling away my face by his hands. I opened my eyes slowly to find his irresistible eyes again pierced on mine. A small smile formed from ear to ear that just made his face more gorgeous. I hesitatingly smiled back at him.

"I wish that's enough cause you know we won't be like you want. And I want you to know that I want it badly." his words stabbed me and boiled my blood inside of my veins. But I threw back myself to the reality.

"Yeah... That's worth it." I nodded and he hugged me so tight as tears started to roll down on my cheek again. He soothed me by rubbing my back up and down.

"I can be yours anytime you want." He whispered to my hair. I just nodded and I could feel he kissed my hair. It made more tears rolled down and dripped his shirt. I didn’t know how to feel, happy to know he had the same feeling like me, sad to realize that the crush had to stop by the time he said it had to, or relief for being in his arms even it wouldn’t be last forever.

I don't know . I just feel having not only one personality inside of me . 2 or 3 . I can't decide which is the real me . ggahhh . it sucks . why me ? I seriously need theraphy .

Since I was busy with my work, I couldn't update my account. But, I would be transfered from this damn place for working in a better place, I guess. So, I'll update my account more often.

 

And... I will continue the last fanfiction I made. I feel bad for not writing it as well. But I'll try. 5 comments had been enough for me to update. so, thank you for the comments.

 

L xoxo

Michelle's POV

"Okay, I HATE HIM. Isn't it enough?" I smacked Jimmy in a short loud voice full of frustration. He widened his blue eyes to me as I pierced mine to him just to let him know that I was serious. I was trying to stop him asking about me and Brian.

"But, Geez, how could you two motherfucker be this way?" we kept our eyes locked for moment, standing up in the middle of the livingroom in my parent's home like idiots, before I took a deep breath and looked away.

"It's easy, Jimbo. I've been all that shit when realized that I wouldn't be happy with him fucking around those bitches that had been you 5 dudes' lifestyle." I turned to give my back to him, spacing out the empty floor in front of me and crossing my arms on my chest.

"Aren't you happy with us around you?"

I flipped my back to face him again as my giggle came through my throat when I was gonna say my comment. But Jimmy cut off me right when I opened my mouth gonna let a word burst the giggle from my throat.

"We've been friends, Michelle. Us. Avenged Sevenfold. I thought we're family." his voice came from in between desperation and disappointment. I shook my head slightly in disagreement and placed my palm on his cheek to calm him.

"Yes, we are. Of course we are friends. More than that shit, we are family. And when Brian came and offered me his fucking love, I was mesmerized right in my badass. But I couldn't help my felling fucking burnt when I gotta see you guys have fun with those bitches. I just haven't seen Brian's sincerity to me like Matt's to Val. I couldn't deny that I sometimes feel envy to them." I tried my best to shoot his humor side. It worked as he chuckled and placed his palm on mine that was still on his cheek.

"But he told me that he loves you. I just can't see my buddy down when you break him up." he pulled my hand from his cheek and wrapped it carefully. I smiled at him, realizing how deep is the relationship between us, I meant our band's family.

"It's not that bad, dude. We still will be friends-"

"Family." he corrected my word. I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah, fine. Family. But I can't have a crush if me and Brian were in one family."

"Okay, you can just think that he's your bestfriend." I smiled capturing his so much care to Brian. I nodded slightly.

"That's harsh, dude. Just let it flow. See what we'll be next. I promise you we'll make it out as well. At least, I won't make him lost his chance to have kids by kicking his dick or something." we filled the air with our laughters.

I was happy that finally I could make him understand. I knew that Jimmy didn't want Brian hurt and neither did I. But Brian's behaviour hit me so much. I thought that he would change at first from being jerk. But in our 6 months together, he didn't seem to be better. I didn't want to be a girl that waited for him while he had fun with oher chicks. That's lame.

Not only Brian, all the guys did it of course. Matt for exception cause my twin sister, Val, was always with them as tour manager. I helped a lot but not all the time. I wasn't too far hooked up in music or something like that. I only helped them with their backstage and merch. But that wasn't the point. Matt was in relationship with Val since they were like 12 or 13 year-old. And the fact was that Matt didn't do what the other did. He could keep himself from fucking around with bitches cause he was really in love with Val. I wished the same for Brian but none I got so far.

I was still 18 and he was 21. I thought that we still had so much time to figure it out. Meanwhile, we still could figure as friends, bestfriends for exact. Although sometimes the possibilities that Brian would find another girl haunted me. That could happen so easily cause he was in a band called Avenged Sevenfold which now was a raising star in town and preparing for their first debut. But, part of myself said that he would be mine one day. Call me idiot. But that was all my heart said.

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Alright, that's just it. Tell me if you like it or not. Drop comments to make me sure how bad or good it is.

 

ANNA JULIFA, my fucking chemistry teacher, has kicked me out from her class for all remaining session this semester. I curse her shit!

*Bitch*

Big day will come. My nerves get tension all the time. I gotta do the best for the DEBATE CONTEST. It's a province level. I not only bring my school's name but also my City.

I have to show the best.

Tomorrow, I'll go to the destination City, prepare a day, and will compete in the next 2 days. Oh, God.. I wish you bless me!!!

I wanna get your prayers, of course! Much thank's before.. -Lutfi-

I REALLY AM NEVER TRUSTING BEST FRIEND. THEY'RE NOT REAL. I NEVER GOT THEM. THEY'RE FUCKING BAD ASS. THEY ALWAYS HURT ME. I CAN'T BELIEVE IN CAMARADERIE. THEY'RE BAD. THEY'RE FAKE. FRIENDS. I WON'T BELIEVE IN THEM. I HATE YOU ALL, THAT EVER LEAVE SCARS IN MY DEEP HEART..

WANNA BE A VAMPIRE.........

Yesterday was a terrible day for me. I got an injured of my friendship. I have a community with my friends. Named IL DIVA. We are always together. But suddenly, we got a big problem. Till now, actually we can't solve it. But we just easy going for our problem that. Just enjoy our fun.

i hope that we can solve it soon. May God Bless us. Amen...